Treehouse of Truths
by TweekingOut
Summary: Kyle, stan, kenny, cartman, butters, kevin, clyde, tweek, craig and Token play truth or dare in Kyle's tree house. This is no normal game of truth or dare, its south park truth or dare. A bit of Bunny, creek, kyman in this. Written from Kyle's POV.
1. Let the game begin

Chapter one: Let the game begin

"About fucking time!" I hear Cartman yell from the other end of the circle we were sat in.

Since it was my house, I assumed it was only hospitable that I got up and opened the door for Clyde and Kevin who were now half an hour late to our big truth or dare night.

"Hey guys, what took you so long?" I stare down to see a taco bell wrapper in Clyde's hand.

"Taco bell huh?"

"Yer, Clyde wanted a taco, he was crying, I didn't know what to do!" Reasons kevin, pushing past me into the house. I glare back at Clyde who is now licking his fingers,

"Well are you gonna come in? We've been waiting long enough!"

"Yer, yer" He waves me off, chucking the eaten crunch wrap supreme onto my lawn. I let out a sigh and close the door behind him before heading back into the living room.

"Hey bros!" Screams Clyde, leaning down to pull Tweek and Craig into a 'bro hug'.

"Ugh, get off me Clyde" Craig moans, pushing Clyde off him and Tweek. He heads over to sit by Kevin. They all look at me tentatively, I am the host so therefore I must give them guidance on what to do.

"Well,where do you guys wanna do this?" I ask.

"How about the treehouse, then we can't wake your bitch ass mom up." Cartman sniggers, I hear Kenny let out a devious chuckle, causing me to sigh. So I didn't even want to hold this thing at my house, I just lost a bet, but here we are, all ten of us. If my mom finds out about some of the stuff we'll be doing I'm screwed.

"Okay we'll do it in the treehouse, come on." Reluctantly I guide them to the back door, holding it open as they trail out. I do like my treehouse, and I'd much rather do it in there than in here. However. I can't say I've ever had 10 people in my small treehouse before, and Cartman counts as 3, so that's 12.

Just as everyone's out in the garden I run over to grab some stuff we might be needing; A flashlight, a bottle, a camera, all the normal truth or dare shit. Before heading on out into the darkness. Its really cold tonight, well south park is always cold, but it just seems colder. Maybe it's because I'm scared. We don't play this game much, and I can tell some of these dares are going to be hardcore.

I start climbing the ladders, reaching the top I see a dozen eyes staring at me as though I've walked in on something I sghouldnt have.

"What?" I ask, slightly scared.

"Nothing." Stan answers, I shoot him a glare, slowly pulling myself up. Causing the whole structure to creak.

"ARGH, It's gonna fall!" Tweek cries.

"No it's not, you got Cartman up here, I won't make much difference."

"Ay! I'm not fat, I'm big boned!"

"You must have a really big bone in your butt then!" Token says, causing me to smile, that's actually kinda funny.

I set the bottle down in the middle of the circle. Placing myself between Stan and Kenny. Probly best I don't sit next to Cartman.

"Okay, so we spin the bottle and whoever it lands on has to go first, okay?"

They all nod.

"Stan would you like to do the honour?" I gesture at the bottle.

"Al'ight" He reaches out, spinning the bottle.

It spins and sping over the mossy wood, landing on one Kenny McCormick.


	2. Beware of the road

Chapter 2: Beware of the road

"Great!" sighs Kenny, changing from his crossed leg position to one with his hands behind his back propping him up.

"Okay, so Kenny, you go wait outside, and we will decide the dare!" Stan explains, gesturing to the door. Kenny heaves himself up, lowering himself back down to earth.

"Well gee fellas, what are we gonna make him do?" Asks butters, leaning in slightly.

"I have one!" Says Clyde, with a mouthful of potato chips, I have no idea where he got them from, but I don't really care. If he wants to end up like Cartman then let him.

"What?" Craig asks. Everyone now listening in on Clyde.

"Okay, so how 'bout we make him sit in the middle of the road, for 3 minutes, he's not allowed to move!" Bits of potato chips fly everywhere.

"Clyde, that's fucked up, what if a car comes?" Kevin argues. I agree with him, this dare if messed up….

"Then he can move! But he has to try again later." Clyde answers, before shoving another chip into his mouth. I look to Stan, surely he agrees this is a bad idea. This whole game is a bad idea.

"Okay." Stan looks away from me, and back to the opposite of the circle where Clyde was sat. I throw my head back and sigh, surely this can't end well.

"Yea, let's do it!" Cartman adds. We all get up and slowly climb out of the treehouse to meet Kenny. We all gather round him.

"Okay…. What's the dare then?" He asks unsurely. Who wouldn't be unsure of playing dares with a group of 16 year old boys? Lots of people. That's who.

"Kinny, you have to go sit in the road for 3 minutes, you can't move, but obviously if a car comes, you can, er, move." Cartman explains as Kenny looks on in horror.

"No way!" A now very scared sounding Kenny answers. Okay, well, were now going to change that answer with a bit of help from our old friend peer pressure.

"Common dude, no one's gonna drive past at 10 at night, you have no need to worry!" Stan reassures, placing a hand on Kenny's shoulder and guiding him towards the gate that leads to the front yard.

"Urgh, I don't know about this." He shoves Stan's hand off his shoulder. Turning back around to face the group.

"Urgh, d-don't be a ch-chicken Kenny!" Yells Tweek. An insult from Tweek. If that doesn't pressure him to do it, I don't know what will.

"Fine! But I swear to god if anything happens, whatever moron who came up with this fucked up dare is going to get it!" He points at us all, and we all look at Clyde who is stood there with his arms crossed. A bit of whistling would really have added to this scene. We all proceed in following Kenny to the front yard.

Heading to the curb of the road he looks left and right to check there are no cars. Silence and a bit of fog fills the air as he steps out onto the road, carefully placing himself in the middle, and crossing his legs.

"Okay, Token start the timer." Cartman orders.

We all watch as Kenny sits there so effortlessly, and he stares back. As the timer hits the 2:30 mark the headlights of a truck can be seen in the distance.

"Kenny! Car!" Yells Butters, pointing in the direction it's coming in.

"How long has it been?!" He sits up tall, and shouts to us. Grabbing the watch from Token, butters screams back,

"2 minutes and 50 seconds!"

"I think I'll make it!" He looks to the truck which is edging closer.

"Kenny get off the fucking road, its not worth it!" Stan screams, I place my hands to my face, this is a disaster.

"No, 5 more seconds! I can do it!"

"Kenny!" Butters cries, as the truck approaches, Kenny jumps up, pushing himself out of the road. I close my eyes fearing the worst.

"Argh!" He leaps for the pavement. Landing face first, I hear the thud so I open my eyes. There is Kenny on the floor, foor covered in blood. He looks up at us angrily,

"Did… did I make it?" Butters shows us the watch before he answers.

"Urgh, you were 0.92 seconds off." Kenny sighs before dropping his head back onto the pavement. Poor Kenny, almost losing half his foot and still not doing the dare.

"He has to do it again then, it has to be the full 3 minutes!" Cartman says rather obnoxiously.

"No way dude, look at his foot! I think he's done enough!" I kneel down to Kenny, helping him up. Tweek grabbing his other arm, we help him limp inside the house, sitting him on the counter in the kitchen.

The others must have headed back up to the treehouse because they didn't follow us in, only butters did, figures.

"D-do you have a first aid kit?" Tweeks asks, slipping off Kenny's shoe and sock. Looking around, I head over to the cupboard where the first aid kit usually is.

"Yer… It should be here somewhere…." I rummage some more, "Ah, found it!"

I bring the kit over to Kenny and place it down next to him.

"Hey Butters, come over here and hold the bandage, Tweek, put pressure on the wound."

"Argh! Too much pressure!" Tweek screams.

"Yes Tweek, too much pressure, that's perfect." Butters says. I take that as my queue and bandage the remaining half of Kenny's foot up.

"Okay, all done!" I stand back and admire my work.

"Thanks guys, let's get back up to the treehouse." Kenny heaves himself down from the counter and limps over to the door.

"Wait Kenny, are you sure you don't want to go home?" Asks Butters.

"Nah, I'm good, I can't wait to see the rest of the game!" He chuckles lightly, before heading on out again. Damn that kid is tough. Me, Tweek and Butters all head back outside to join the others.


	3. The cinnamon challenge

Chapter 3: The cinnamon challenge

"Okay, so who's next?" Craig asks.

"Well who wants to spin the bottle?" I reply.

"Oh, oh, I do, I do! Pick me!" Clyde shouts, raising his hand in the air. I roll my eyes, his optimism is really starting to get on my nerves.

"Okay Clyde, you can spin the bottle."

"Whoooo" He punches the air, leaning in and spinning the dreaded bottle. It glides and glides, before stopping on my best friend Stan.

"Al'ight, Stan, get the fudge out!" Cartman says, pointing to the exit. Stan smiles at us all before jumping out of the tree house cooly. How did he not break his legs doing that?!

"I have the perfect dare for stan!" Token pipes up. Hopfully this one will be a bit more dignified from the last.

"What?" We all ask in unison.

"The cinnamon challenge!"

"Oh yer, I saw it on you tube once!" Kevin adds.

"M-me too!" Says Tweek.

"Okay, let's do it, I'll go get the cinnamon from the kitchen and I'll tell Stan to come back up." I say, making my way down. I jump as I get close to the bottom.

"Hey Stan, you can go back up now!"

"Cool, what's the dare?"

"Just go up, I have to go get something."

I leave him to it, and slide open the doors to the kitchen. Here we go again with the rummaging. I've seen the cinnamon challenge on you tube before too, I've always wanted to see someone try it in person, too bad that person had to Stan. I grab the apropiate equipment, a spoon, the cinnamon and a bottle of water (It's not essential, however, I feel it will be appreciated after he has completed the challenge).

And back to the tree house it is again.

"Hey guys, I got all the stuff…" I throw it up.

"Nice." Clyde says

"Hey, what is this?" Stan asks, eyeing the cinnamon.

"It's the cinnamon challenge Stan, you have to down a spoonful of cinnamon without water." Kenny explains, I hand him the spoon.

"Okay…." He stares at the spoon as Kenny tips some cinnamon on, emanating a little cloud of orange smoke.

"So what, so I just, eat it?" He asks

"Yes stupid, just put it in your mouth and eat it!" Cartman exclaims, annoyed.

"That's easy!" Stan boasts. The rest of us all snigger. He clearly has not ever heard of the cinnamon challenge. And is about to get a very rude awakening.

"Just do it." Craig demands.

Stan brings the spoon close to his mouth, taking a minute to glance at the rest of us who are on the edge of our seats.

And he puts it in his mouth.

His eyes widen only seconds after.

In a matter of seconds he's coughing out orange smoke.

Everyone, especially Cartmman, breaks out in histeric laughter. I can't seem to help myself, it's 10 times funnier when you see someone do it in person.

"AH, FUCK, WHAT IS THAT!" He screams, we all laugh harder. I feel my eyes water, some of the cinnamon must have gotten into my lungs.

"URGGH, GIMME WATER, I FUCKING NEED WATER!" He grabs Cartman by the collar, staring at him manically, shaking him. I think I'm going to die laughing!

"KYLE, WHERES THE WATER!" He releases the fatass and crawls over to me dramatically. As much as I want this to go on forever, Stan is probably dyeing inside.

"Here, here, take it!" He snatches it from me. And starts swilling the water about in his mouth spitting it into the garden. He then flops onto his back, panting.

"Are you quite done now?" Token laughs.

"Um, yeah, yeah, I'm done" He sits up, brushing the powder off his signature brown jacket.

"Okay…. So we can move on now?" I ask reluctantly, glancing at Stan briefly. Who looks like he so desperately wants to cough but can't because he needs to keep his 'honour'.

"Yer, yer, I'm fine, it was nothing, really." Stan waves me off.

"Okay…..So who wants to spin now?" I ask.

"I'll do it!" Kevin offers, he mays well since no one else seems too bothered about it. He takes the bottle with 2 fingers and spins it.


	4. The gay chicken

**AN/ Hi guys, i decided i am going to update every day now, sine i'm enjoying writing this was too much. I also have no idea how long this is going to be, maybe until i run out of dares or the plot gets boring. Feel free to make any suggestions, oh, and enjoy chapter 4 ^_^**

Chapter 4: The gay chicken

It lands on Tweek.

"Argh" He cries. This one ought to be interesting.

"Awesome!" Says Clyde.

"Okay Tweek, go wait outside." I order. Shakily he gets up and crawls over to the door.

"Dudes, what are we gonna do to him?" Stan says, he seems to have recovered from the previous dare.

"I have the perfect dare for him." Ses Kenny, chewing on some gum.

"Well what is it?" Cartman asks.

"The gay chicken game!" Kenny exclaims, moving onto his knees and raising his arms in excitement.

"Da fuq?" Cartman adds. Okay, so I share his confusion. I've never heard of the 'gay chicken game' before.

"Yeah guys! You have to have two people of the same gender, and they have to get closer and closer until they kiss, but if they pull away then they are the gay chicken!" He explains excitedly.

"Well who is he going to-" Asks Clyde.

"I WILL HAPPILY DO IT." Kenny interrupts, wide eyed.

"Hey that's not fair!" Craig argues. We all stare at him shocked, since when did he care?

"He's right….. That's not fair…." Says Clyde,stroking his imaginary beard.

"Jeez, since when was it such a big deal?" Stan questions.

"DUDE! Have you seen his skinny jeans?!" Kenny answers, grabbing stan.

"Yer, and he has nice hair…" Craig adds

"He has pretty eyes…" Says Clyde, the three boys all nod.

"Well gee, why don't we spin the bottle again?" Butters offers.

"Guys! H-how long is this gonna take, im s-scared!" Tweek calls from the bottom of the tree, I'd almost forgotten he was still there.

"Urgh, one more minute, you'll be fine!" I reassure, looking down at him.

"Quick, spin it before he has a panick attack!" I grab the bottle off of Butters and spin it.

"YES! Fuck you McCormick and fuck you Donovan!" We all watch as Craig gets up on his knees, flashing his middle fingers at Kenny and Clyde.

"Hmph." Kenny plops himself back down and folds his arms.

"Okay Tweek, get back up here!" He races back up the ladder like the grass is on fire. Well he has been out there for a good ten minutes.

"Wh-what are you-ngh-gonna make me do?" Tweek asks, as he sits all scrunched up. I have a strange feeling this dare might be too much pressure for him.

"You have to do gay chicken." Kenny mumbles, still upset after losing to Craig. But after all, that bottle could have landed on anyone.

"ARG- What's gay chicken?!" So Kenny explains the whole concept of 'getting close' to Tweek.

"W-who with?" He stutters. We all point at Craig who is still grinning. The moment Tweek looks up at him, that grin disappears.

"Oh-ahem- Yer, well I didn't want too…" Yer, of course you didn't Craig.

"Argh!"

"Come on Tweekers, just do it, you don't have to kiss him!" Clyde offers.

"But I'll be a g-gay chicken!"

"Ignore him, let's just get this over with." Craig adds, it's obvious he's struggling to hold back his excitement. Kenny gets up grabbing Tweek and Craig's wrists, positioning them opposite each other in the middle of the circle.

"Remember, it's simple, you just have to get closer, and closer, and maybe you'll end up having butt sex, who knows. Now go!" After his little pep talk, Kenny let's go, and moves back into his original spot.

I can hear Tweek sigh as Craig shuffles slightly in his spot.

"Come on fags, do it!" Cartman screams. Damn his impatience is really getting on my nerves.

Craig makes the first move and places his hand on Tweek's thigh. And Tweek places his hand on Craig's shoulder. They edge closer, and closer reluctantly. I turn to look at Kenny, whose watching very curiously. They are quite close now, inches away. Craig leans in and Tweek closes his eyes. This causes Clyde to grin manicaly. Really slowly their lips meet.

"Dude, sick!" Another inappropriate from Eric Cartman.

"Guys I think you can stop now…" Kenny says rather frantically, he gets up and shakes Craig, "Craig?! Dude, you can stop now! Craig! God damn it!" Craig just flips him off and continues his little make out session. I've decided I'm not even going to get involved in this one, just sit back and enjoy the action.

"Guys, seriously, stop! This is really super gay!" Clyde retorts, getting up and shoving Tweek and Craig away from each other.

"Clyde! What the hell!" Craig screams, shoving Clyde back abit.

"Save it for later fag, we don't wanna see you feel up Tweek! He's my bro!"

"Maybe we will!" Craig answers, pulling Tweek closer to him protectively.

"Yes, I think you should!"

"Good."

"Fine."

"Fine."

"W-was it meant to happen like that?" Asks Butters, who clearly has never seen two dudes play tonsil tennis.

"No….no, I don't think it was…" Explains Token.

"I thought it was kinda hot!" Says Kenny, throwing his hands into the air.

"GAH!"

"So no one's a gay chicken?" Stan asks.

"I thought it was only if someone pulled away?" Kevin adds.

"Well yer, it is, so technically neither of them are a 'gay chicken' but their both gay." Kenny explains.

"Ohhhhh…" We all say, apart from Tweek and Craig who seem to be in their own little universe.

I personally have no problem with it, I think today I've already learnt a lot of things; Kenny has an iron will and half a foot, Stan does not like cinnamon, Tweek and Craig are totally hot for each other, see, lots of things, and I'm about to learn more.


	5. Change over

Chapter 5: Change over

"How bout we try something new this time?" Cartman suggests.

"What?" I ask.

"We all have to change something about our voices, it'll be hilarious!" Okay, you know, that's not such a bad idea, I guess.

"Well, that doesn't sound so bad…" Butters adds, grinding his knuckles.

"Kewwwlll, well I already wrote some down, we only have to do this for the next dare, before it gets annoying."

"Alright, what are they?" Stan asks.

"Okay, so Craig, you have to speak with a gay lisp, Tweek you have to end every sentence with 'what's my age again', Stan you have to shout everything, Kyle you must end every sentence with 'in bed', Kenny you have to bark, Kevin your to whisper, Butters has to end every sentence with 'I love you', Clyde end every sentence with 'would you like fries with that', and Token, you gotta sing everything." He explains…..in bed.

"Cool! Would you like fries with that?" Clyde states, or is it a question? Do I answer the question? Well no, I don't want fries.

"Argh! W-what's my-ngh-age again?"

"Well whose going next?" Sings Token in his stereotypically smooth black guy voice.

"Well gee, I'll do it fellas! Oh, and I love you." Butters says.

"Alright Butters you can go next- in bed." I can hear Cartman snigger in the corner.

"I've got one." Pipes up Craig in his 'gay voice', It reminds me of elementary school during the metrosexual fad. Good times.

"He has to sit on Kenny's knee, for the rest of the game."

"But-Bark-my-bark-foot-bark!" Kenny objects. Well I have to hand it to Cartman, this voice thing is pretty funny.

"Geez Kenny, don't be such a buzz kill!" Craig taunts.

"Fine-bark-Butters-bark-put it-bark-here man-bark bark." He pats his lap, and Butters crawls over to place himself neatly on Kenny's lap. Kenny folds his arms around Butters waist and shuffles a bit to get comfy.

"Can we stop doing the voices now?" Whispers Kevin.

"I DON'T KNOW, CAN WE?" Yells Stan.

"No, no, keep going, I'm enjoying this too much." Cartman laughs.

"Fine." I moan

"What was that Kyle?" Cartman taunts.

"In bed." I sigh

"Well I'll go this time, I haven't done a dare yet!" Token sings. Hmm, nice harmony's.

"I've got a-ngh-idea, Kenny's super juice, i-it'll f-fuck you up man! What's my age again…." Tweek suggests, causing Kenny to chuckle, I can't say I've ever tried Kenny's super juice, and I really don't want too. I heard it has nutmeg in it, that's disgusting.

"Good idea Tweekers! Token, dude, you have to try it! And would you like fries with that?" Clyde says excitedly, grabbing Token.

"Common-bark-guys let's-bark-go-bark- make it!" Kenny releases Butters and I follow my orange hooded friend into my Kitchen. I join the rest of my friends as we gather round Kenny in the kitchen. The light burns my eyes, since we've been sat in a dark little tree house for almost an hour.

I watch as Kenny pulls out a whole bunch of random stuff, first he grabs a shot glass, I didn't even know we had shot glasses. And then out he pulls some vodka (also unaware we had this, figures Kenny would know where the alcohol was in MY house.), milk, ketchup, a drop of orange juice and some sugar. He put a bunch of other random stuff in there too, he works s fast I was unable to catch all of it.

"Okay-bark-I'm done-bark bark." He hands the shot to Token, who eyes it suspiciously.

"You didn't drug this did you?" By this point, you can tell he's sick of singing everything. Kenny just barks in his face obnoxiously and takes a step back, grinning.

"Good luck dude, in bed" I reassure, though I think the last part may have ruined my attempts at making him feel better.

"3, 2, 1….." He takes the shot and downs it.

"How is it?" Whispers Kevin.

"Ew, well it isn't the nicest thing I've ever tasted, but, I guess it's alright, I feel kinda tingly…"

I pull Kenny aside from the rest of the group, I need to have a little word with him.

"Kenny, did you drug him?" I ask sternly.

"In bed." He corrects, bopping me on the nose, so I slap his hand away.

"Stop it Kenny, I'm serious, if my mom finds out what we're doing she will kill me!"

"Well you lost the bet!"

"You can't go round drugging people Kenny!"

"I didn't drug him!"

"Then what was in that shot, you must've put something in it to send him all tingly?"

"No man, I have no idea, its just the vodka….and the ketchup….and the nutmeg." So the rumors were true….

"Whatever, just don't pull anything like that again." I walk away from him, and back into the cluster of people.

"Guys let's get out of here before my mom wakes up." I push Clyde out the door, since he was my least favourite after Cartman, and there's no way I'd be able to budge that fatass. The rest of my friends go back to the treehouse and I follow.


	6. I'm pregnant

**AN/ So one of my freinds actully had to do both of these dares last night, so i just kinda wrote this from memory. And theres more Creek in this chapter XD**

Chapter 6: I'm pregnant

"Come on Kevin, you go next!" Shouts Clyde, whose now chewing on a chocolate bar. Man, I still don't know where he's getting all of this food from…

"Me, why me?"

"Why not you!" Valid point Clyde.

"Fine, what do I have to do?"

"Hmmm, I think we should do a good old fashioned prank call, huh fellas?" Suggests Butters, who is still sat on Kenny's knee.

"Yes! I've got one for you Kevin" I hear Stan say

"What?"

"Ring your mom and tell her your pregnant."

"Yes! And no matter what she says, you must convince her it's true!" Adds Craig.

Kevin sighs, "Fine, I'll do it, but I didn't bring my phone…"

"It's okay, you can borrow mine," So I pull out my iPhone 4 and hand it to him. Having a lawyer for a dad, really does have its perks.

"Okay, be quiet," He dials the number.

"Wait," Clyde grabs the phone, "Put it on speaker phone so we can all hear." So Kevin puts it on speaker phone.

**_*Ring ring*_**

"_Hello?"_

"Hey mom..."

"_Kevin, what's the matter?"_

"I need to tell you something."

"_What?"_

"I'm pregnant."

"_Kevin, you can't get pregnant."_

"No ma! We went to the doctors today, it's twins!" By this point in the phone call, all of the laughter we had pent up just came flooding out, until Kevin told us all to shut up again.

"_What doctor? How the hell did you get pregnant!"  
_

"Ummm…." He looks to us all for guidance, but I really don't know what to say, so I just shrug. Until Kenny next to me catches my attention. I watch as Kenny thrusts his hips and mouths the word 'sex' to Kevin. I really feel sorry for poor Butters right now.

"SEX! Yes I got pregnant from sex!"

"_Kevin darling, I think we need to have a little talk…"_

"NO! No we don't! I'm having them, you just need to accept it and get on with your life!" And then he hung up. We immediately begin to die laughing for the 3rd time tonight, that was incredibly funny! As the laughter starts to die down, I get an idea…

"Craig, your going next." It comes out faster than expected.

"Why Broflovski? I already did a dare tonight!"

"No, that was Tweek's dare, and you enjoyed it!" It's true, he enjoyed the dare, he needs to do something more humiliating.

"Bring it, I'm up for anything." So I lean over and grab the phone off of Kevin and pass it to Craig, who looks at it blankly.

"You have to ring your crushes parents and tell them you like their son or daughter." That wipes the grin off his face.

"I-I don't think that's a good idea…." Ha. I have him right where I want him.

"What's the problem dude, this dare is easy!" Adds Token, it's nice to know someone's on my side.

"Alright, but I'd just like you to know I hate you all," He dials the number, before looking up at us once more, "With a passion." The phone rings once again, until a mystery woman picks up.

"_Hello, who am I speaking with?"_

"Hi…."

"_Craig Tucker Is that you?"_

"Wait a minute…." Tweek whispers to himself.

"Yes ma'am."

"_Why are you calling? If your asking for Tweek then he's not here, he's gone to Kyle's house for a sleepover."_

"MOM?!" Tweek gets up and grabs the phone off Craig, this can't end well.

"Tweekie is that you son?" Tweek covers the speaker of the phone and gives Craig a very confused and angry look.

"What? You said, ring my crushes parents, I am!" He snatches the phone back.

"Mrs Tweak, I am just ringing to tell you that I have a raging boner, for your son, Tweek Tweak."

"ARG! G-give me that!" And the phone goes back to Tweek. At this rate my iphone's future does not look so bright. "Um, ignore him! H-he's-GAH-crazy!" And he hangs up, almost dropping my precious iphone.

"Dude, are you serious?" Clyde asks, looking very sarcastic.

"Jesus Christ! You told me to do it! I'm just being truthful!" Craig argues. Token sticks his fingers down his throat and mimicks being sick.

"Here have you fucking phone back." He shoves the phone back into my hand and crawls over to his original spot to sulk.


	7. Down on your knees

Chapter 7: Down on your knees

"Um, are you guys quite finished now?" I ask slowly.

"Yep, I'm done with him." States Tweek, whose sat arms folded and looking abnormally cross.

"Well I'm not done with you,"Purs Craig, so Tweek slaps him, causing me to smile. I never could understand why I hated Craig so much. Maybe it's because every day for the past 8 years he's flipped me the finger without fail. But then again, I hate lots of people, Cartman, Clyde, the usual suspects. I definitely don't mind Butters, Tweek, Kevin, Token and Stan and Kenny are my best friends since elementary. Wait…. That reminds me.

"Cartman, you haven't gone yet." I look behind Kenny and butters to find him sat there. I can't help but wonder how he managed to get his far into the game and not have anyone notice him!

"What of it Jew?"

"Well you're going next fatass!"

"Ay! You haven't been yet either!"

"It's my tree house tubby, and I say your going next." Everyone in the tree house nods in agreement, com'on? Who doesn't hate Eric Cartman?

"its time for revenge…." I hear butters whisper evilly.

"Kyle, did you get the camera?" Stan asks, so I turn around and show him the camera, "Sweet…"

"What have you got planned?" Asks Kevin.

"Big things my man, big things." Stan says, whilst adjusting the camera settings. Inside I'm dancing with joy. I look to Stan, I know we are thinking exactly the same thing.

"Cartman go outside." I order.

"Why?"

"Do it." Kenny backs me up, poking Cartman in the stomach. So we all watch as he gets off his fat ass and goes down into the garden.

"What now fags?"

"Down on all fours!" Token yells. Now everyone's gathered by the door looking down into the garden.

Reluctantly Cartman gets down onto his hands and knees. I feel a smile coming on.

"Stan, is the camera ready?" I ask.

"Yes, one sec, I'm going to tape this."

"Done?"

"Yes! Done, would you like to do the honour?" He holds out the camera.

"No, no, we can do it together!" So we both take the camera and hold it up.

"Hey! Are you filming this?!" Cartman shouts.

"No we're just pointing a camera at you for the hell of it." Craig says sarcastically, causing Cartman to growl, and I'm pretty sure he's gritting his teeth too.

"Urgh!" He moans.

"Eat the grass!" Kenny yells.

"Ew, No!"

"Eat it! Eat it! Eat it! Eat it!" We all chant. This is the most fun I've had in a long time!

"And if I don't?"

"Would you like to f-find out?" Threatens Tweek. He takes a glance at the red patch on Craig's face and sighs. Slowly lowering his face to the earth, he takes a clump of frosty grass in his mouth, pulls it up, and begins to chew.

"Swallow it!" Clyde shouts. So he swallows the grass and pulls a dishevelled face. Causing us all to laugh.

"S-say Moo!" Orders Tweek, still laughing.

"No!"

"Do it asshole!" Shouts Craig, sticking up for his 'crush'.

"God damn it….. Moo!"

"Louder Cartman!" I laugh.

"MOO DAMN IT!"

"LOUDER CARTMAN!"

"MOOOOOOO!"

We all start crying with laughter, this right here, it THE funniest thing I've ever seen!

"Can I come back up now?" I look to Stan for guidance, before he turns away with the answer,

"Fine!" He gets up and climbs into the treehouse, everyone moves back to their spaces. Everyone stares at him, struggling to hold in the laughter.

"What?!" He questions, I grab the camera off Stan and show him the video.

"Be nice to us, or we'll show everyone." He looks like he's going to explode.

"I hate you guys." He says, slumping down against the wood, "Especially Kenny." But Kenny just laughs.


	8. Roshambo

Chapter 8- Roshambo

"Come on Clyde, you have to go next, you don't have a choice!" Smiles Butters.

"No way man!"

"Clyde!" We all shout.

"Fine…. Fine…. But there's a line, and it's neatly drawn, so don't fucking cross it you retards!" He threatens, shaking his fist. Clyde, Clyde, Clyde, have you learnt nothing from this game so far?

"He HAS to play Roshambo with someone!" grunts Cartman who's still pissed off from his dare. Well he had it coming.

"Um, what's Roshambo?" Asks Kenny. I think I know what it is, but just to be sure….

"Well isn't it when two people kick each other in the nuts until one of them falls down?"

"Yeah Jew, it is, me and Tweek play all the time." Cartman smirks, making Tweek flinch.

"That's not so bad, who with though?" Clyde asks.

"Cartman." Suggests Token.

"Token." Backfires Cartman.

"Craig." I add.

"Kevin?" Stan wonders aloud.

"Cartman, no. Token, no. Craig, hell no. Kevin…. Maybe…" Kevin just sits there looking worried.

"Why Kevin?" asks Craig.

"He's my best friend, right Kev? You wouldn't hurt me!" Clyde pulls his friend into a noogie.

"Hey!" Interrupts Token looking cross.

"Dude, you spend too much time with Craig and Tweek, Kevin's a true bro." Kevin looks away awkwardly.

"Kevin Stoley do you take Clyde Donovan in being your Roshambo partner?" Vicar Kenny asks.

"Urrrm, alright, I do."

"And do you Clyde Donovan take Kevin Stoley to be your lawfully wedded Roshambo partner, for better or for worse, till death do you part?"

"I do!" exclaims Clyde.

"Game on, prepare to get neutered tubby" taunts Kevin, shaking Clyde's hand, "Game on, may the strongest man win," adds Clyde.

"There's not really enough room in here to do it, go stand in the garden and we'll watch." orders Stan, I shuffle away from the exit as Clyde and Kevin climb down into the unknown.

"Alright, whenever your ready guys." I say, everyone's back over by the door now, I feel like I'm going to fall out…

Clyde and Kevin stand opposite each other with their legs spread slightly. Kevin makes the first move and kicks Clyde right where it hurts, but that's the aim of the game…. I think this is the most fucked up game ever devised, and all I can do is be thankful it's not me down there.

The blow however doesn't seem to phase Clyde too much as he returns the kick to Kevin, causing his eyes to water. So Kevin retaliates and kicks back harder,

"FUCK!" But Clyde is still standing. After moaning for a bit he lifts back his foot and kicks Kevin.

"Shit dude! You got led in those shoes?!" And he kicks back.

"Have you?!" Another kick.

"I can't feel my crotch you asshole!" Kevin kicks Clyde again in an attempt to knock him down.

"Owwww, Keeevvviiiiiiin!" I look on in amusement as Clyde looks like he's going to cry, and delivers a really weak kick to Kevin.

"Dude, I c-can't take any more s-stop…"Mumbles Kevin, weakly shoving Clyde back.

"Urgh, me neither, one of us has to lose."

"No way man, not this time." Kevin kicks again.

"Arg! TOO. MUCH. PAIN." Clyde goes down. Kenny pushes me out of the way and limps down into the garden to raise Kevin's hand.

"And we have a winner!" Kevin quickly pulls away from Kenny and flops down on top of Clyde.

"No hard feelings, right bro?" Asks Kevin.

"No hard feelings." And then they just lay there panting on the snowy floor.

"AHAHAAHA, Clyde are you crying?" Cartman obnoxiously laughs.

"Y-yer, just a li-little…"

"Why dude?" I ask, I know I don't really like Clyde but he looks hurt, it's only polite I guess.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to have a girlfriend ever again." He whimpers.

"Clyde get your fat fucking ass back up here and stop crying you baby." Craig orders emotionlessly, causing Clyde to cry more as he, Kevin and Kenny all get back into the treehouse.

"Gee Clyde, don't c-cry, you'll be back to normal in n-no time!" Butters reassures, cheery and optimistic as ever.

"NO I WON'T, WHY DID I EVEN COME, WAAAAAAHHH, I WANNA GO HOME!" cries Clyde.

"Okay, now your being overly dramatic, Clyde, stop it." Token asks angrily.

"Yer, you don't see Kevin crying." Everyone looks to Kevin who sheds a tear.

"Oh, well, um, he really packs quite a kick…." He sniffles.

"Just spin the god damn bottle." I order.


	9. Kyle in the closet

**AN/ This must be awkward because I havn't updated in forever and I bet you thought I'd abandoned you all? Wrong. Because heres the next chapter!**

Inevitably the bottle landed on me, of course it had to happen at some point. I'm sure it had landed on at least everyone once so far. Now it was my go and since Craig and Cartman have it out for me I'd be lying if I said I wasn't dreading this moment. I'm not a wuss though. I'll do anything for these assholes- just to humour them.

"Well, well, well Jew. Look whose turn it is." Sniggers Cartman, you just couldn't accept it was my go without making a witty remark could you?

"Oh. Ha ha," That's my fake laugh, "Guess it's my go!" I shrug sarcastically.

"Yes….It is…." Kenny wonders aloud staring into space whilst stroking his imaginary beard.

"What have you got planned for me? Doing a dance in Drag? Eating a worm? Enlighten me guys."

"Actually Kyle, we've had this planned out for a few weeks now…" Adds the ever-smooth Token. First thoughts, what? Seconds thoughts, why?

"You have?"

"Yes! It was so fun! There were little cakes and Doilies too!" Cakes? Doilies? What?

"A-and coffee! There was-ngh- coffee too!" Inputs Tweek, earning him a pat on the shoulder from Clyde. Who I thought hated coffee? Who doesn't? Other than the obvious.

"You all met up to have coffee, and eat cakes with doilies just so you could think is a good dare for me?"

"You know it." Confirms Craig.

"Don't keep me waiting what is it?" By this point you could call me somewhat shocked and annoyed, I feel like I've been stabbed in the back 9 times by 9 different people. Not that I'd want to go to a girly little bitch party about one of my friends.

"Well," Starts Stan, "After 3 meetings we came up with the perfect dare for you. We want you, Kyle Broflovski, to do 7 minutes in heaven." I find myself frozen, staring at Stan, slowly nodding my head. After about 10 seconds of having that sink in I snap out of my trance.

"7 MINUTES IN HEAVEN? NO WAY! I couldn't bare 7 minutes in hell with any of you! Not you Stan, were cool. BUT THE REST OF YOU!" I scream at them, my arms flailing as I try to get across my point.

"Wait Kyle, you don't know who with!" I don't care who its with Butters.

"Wouldn't you just be so syked if it was me?" Kenny adds, he's the pervert of the group. Always adding unnecessary sexual comments into a totally non sexual conversation and of course if the conversation is sexual then there's a chance it started with him.

"It's not you Kenny, hush up dude, Its Cartman." I must be delusional, I swear to god he just said Cartman.

"Cartman? Ahahaha, that's a good one Stan. Okay seriously who is it?" I laugh it off, slapping my good friend Stan on the back along the way. He has the weirdest sense of humour.

"No…when he said Cartman, he meant Cartman's, as in sat next to Kenny eating cheesy poofs Cartman." Explains Kevin. That big grin that was on my face a few seconds ago? Gone.

"You have to be kidding me. Cartman did you know about this?" How can he sit there so coolly eating cheesy poofs?

"Nope, no idea at all Kahl."

"You didn't go to the meeting?"

"Hell no Jew, doilies? Coffee? Pfft, fags."

"How are you so fine with this fatass!"

"Meh." He shrugs, shoving a handful of chips into his mouth, he must've got them off Clyde. I still don't know where he's keeping all that god damn food!

"So were doing this are we?" I ask, just to clarify we are going to be spending 7 minutes in private doing an activity of our choice.

"S'pose so Jew."

"Awesome, so we'll go outside and time you for 7 minutes. And then when we come back up, who knows, you could be playing Tonsil tennis!" Exclaims Stan, whose abnormally eager in getting everyone out of this tree house. "Have fun Kyle." He salutes to me as he lowers himself down after the rest. I hate you right now Stanley Randal Marsh.

"Sooooo….." I say, twiddling my thumbs. Cartman wasn't helping, he continued to eat potato chips, as if I wasn't here.

"Whatcha want from me Kahl?"

"Oh. Nothing. Nothing. Just carry on." Maybe its best to just leave him alone.

"We should humor them." He says, it takes me by shock. From outside in the Garden I hear the guys laughing, how I wish I could be out there with them and not in here with….him.

"Humor them how exactly?"

"Mess around." Wow, I wasn;t expecting that.

"Mess around how?"

"You know." By this point he's finished his crisps and kindly disposed of the rapper on my lawn.

"Your insane." I state bluntly.

"You know you want me Kahl."

"I honestly don't…" Seriousley I hate Cartman with every bone in my body.

"Oh yeah?" He asks, shuffling closer.

"Yeah." I confirm, I can tell he's playing a game. He's playing me. I don't like getting played. I've lived with him for over 13 years now and I can read him like a book- it's one of those interesting books that nobody never really wants to read but always ends up reading because they've read the other 2 books and now theres this one just kinda calling out saying 'read me read me'.

I suppose I was caught up in my thought, so caught up that I didn't notice Cartman scoot so he was positioned opposite me.

All of a sudden he leans in, as thought he's going to kiss me? This asshole doesn't have the emotion to kiss someone and mean it. Eventually his lips reached mine, they were warm and soft, and for a split second I truly feel as though im in heaven.


	10. A kiss with a fist

**AN/ Maybe i can get back into daily updates? Wouldn't that be amazing? I will try my fellow fan fictioners. I will try. Anyways. Here's your update!**

"You kissed me."

"You kissed back." He retorts.

"You scared me…." I lie.

"Liar." Damnit, "I knew you were hot for me Kahl."

"My names Kyle…" I mumble.

"Whatever Jew. You want me." He says, going back to his original spot away from me. I lean back a bit so I'm resting on the wall of the tree house and let out a big sigh. Of relief or stress I'm not sure. I don't know what your supposed to think when the person you hate kisses you. "I'm gonna come clean with something Jew…." He starts.

"What?"

"I rigged the bet. You said you could tell the different between Pepsi and coke so I put Pepsi in both." I knew it! I knew he rigged it! He told me he didn't but when it comes to coke and Pepsi I know things. I just know.

"I know you rigged it, I was humoring you." By now our voices are calm, it's weird to have a calm conversation with Cartman. I'm pissed off he rigged that dumb bet, he embarrassed me in front of the whole school but for some reason I finally feel a connection with him?

"Your not mad at me Kahl?"

"No, if I get mad then you get satisfaction out of it, you're a messed up guy Cartman. But you know what Fatass? I've enjoyed myself so far and I'm not going to have you ruin it!"

"Are you guys done?" I look remove my finger which was firmly pinned into Cartman's flabby chest and see Stan at the top of the ladder.

"It's been 7 minutes already?" I ask.

"It's been 10! What have you been up too?" He asks whilst hauling himself up into the wooden structure. The rest of the gang not far behind.

"Ugh- nothing really….."

"Haha, your no fun Kyle!" Kenny says slapping me on the back as he took his seat in between me and the fatass. Praise Moses I don't have to sit next to him.

"So," I start, "Did I miss anything?"

"It was so funny Kyle! Craig squeezed Tweek's ass so Kenny slapped Craig so Tweek kicked Kenny right in the nuts! Then Butters got involved and pulled Tweek's hair so they start fighting causing me to shout 'Bitch figgghttt!'. Then enters Kevin and Token trying to pry Tweek and Butters off of each other. Meanwhile Craig decides now is a good time to get revenge on Stan for egging his house 4 years ago. And I'm just stood there on the sidelines watching all this unfold and I'm all like 'OH. HELL TO THE NO." Clyde laughs taking a big sigh of relief he's finished his long explanation. Completely ignoring Clyde's…in depth explanation of what all the commotion was out Craig speaks up.

"Let's do dares in pairs now." He states. Craig doesn't ask questions, his confidence is peeking and questions are a sign of doubt so you very rarely hear him ask a question. But no one argues with him because we all want to keep out heads.

"Okay," Agrees Kevin, "I'll go with Donovan." He shuffles a bit closer to Clyde who he was already sat next too.

"Well if we are doing this shit. Then I'm going with Tweek." Craig explains placing his arm around our caffeinated friend.

"GAH! Okay…." I let him go with Tweek because I have no intentions on pairing up with him. I can lie rest assured my best friend Stan will be down on his knees begging me to go with him, I just know it.

"C-can I go with you Kenny?" Butters asks.

"Sure buttercup!" Kenny smiles, patting the little blonde tuft on Butters head in confirmation.

"Me and you Stan?" What?! Token! Why! Stan turns to look at me with one of those 'common dude, just this once?' looks. I let out a sigh and agree. Figures I'd be stuck with Cartman? Fan fucking Tastic.


End file.
